


Madoka Tragica

by Manaya_Karyam



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-19 00:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3589335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manaya_Karyam/pseuds/Manaya_Karyam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She has a powerful mother and a beloved brother. She laughs and cries from time to time. Well, mostly laughs. While someone else is crying. Madoka Kaname - an eighth grader who lives such a peaceful life. She didn't choose to be this way.<br/>(Forget what you know about canon.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: Slurs, Sex-Shaming, Suicide, Child Abuse, Graphic Depictions of Violence

_There was a girl, some girl, silhouetted. With her sword, she was slashing and hacking and slashing and hacking and slashing and hacking and_

_She didn't feel any pain._

_Although maybe that was a lie._

_And she never stopped even after it was dead._

_The end._

* * *

 

She turned the faucet on,  _fwshhhhh._

"So what's been going on lately?"

"Hitomi got another love letter," said Madoka. "I took it before it could get to her. It's the second in a month."

"Nice one," said Junko, splashing water on her face.  _"Oh,_  that's cold. I'm awake. I'm awake. She's a popular girl, isn't she?"

"Yeah," said Madoka. "I think someday I might kill her."

Junko chuckled. "Just as well she doesn't receive them. A boy who can't confess in person is worth absolutely nothing." She dried her face. Back on the counter, her fingers trailed over an impressive selection of makeup. "What about Saotome?"

Madoka rolled her eyes. "Do you need to ask?"

"No. I suppose it will never change for her. She's no winner in romance."

"Hey, mom. Which ribbon?" Madoka held up a yellow and a red.

Junko pointed to the red.

"You don't think it's too flashy?"

"Barely flashy enough. Beauty is power, Madoka. That ribbon will have your secret admirers fighting each other to please you."

"Mom, I don't... I don't have  _admirers."_

Junko smiled, painting a stroke in red lipstick. "So act as though you do," she said. "Girls who look good but don't know it may as well be ugly."

Madoka finished before her mother and went to have breakfast. Her little brother, Tatsuya, was strapped into his baby chair and trying to reach for his plate of food, which had been placed a little too far away. He would need to be a little creative to get to it.

Madoka ate in silence, at the regular table. But after a while got up and moved Tatsuya's food to him. She knew the freebie would slow his development a little, but his cries were making her too uncomfortable.

* * *

 

She caught up with Sayaka at the bridge. The two girls fell in step. Leaves rustled on all sides of the path; a clear day.

"So," said Sayaka, "did you hear about our whore of a teacher?"

"Of course. Wait, is there a new man already?"

"Well,  _someone_  said..."

"It doesn't matter," said Madoka. "Just as well someone thinks there is." She dropped her voice, like it was something only for her friend's ears. "After all, the more we discredit her the sooner we get a competent teacher. And that loser goes out with the trash." Sayaka giggled.

"Anyway," Madoka said, "I've gotta know - have you talked to Kyousuke?"

"Oh, yeah!" said Sayaka. "I did."

_"Excellent!_  And...?"

"He said yes."

"Tha- unf!" A passing girl had bumped against Madoka.

"Oh, I'm sorry -"

"Oh, hey, Rei." Madoka smiled down at her. "How have you been?"

"Oh, uh, hey..."

"We were just saying," said Madoka, "can you  _believe_  the pudge on Nanase's legs?" (Motioning to a girl across the square.) "If I were her, I'd be embarrassed. I'd get special permission to wear an extra long skirt."

She smiled at Rei as if sharing in a joke. Rei blushed hard, glancing down at her own fat legs. "I - um - yeah, wow," she said after a moment, and then hurried away.

"Anyway, yeah," Sayaka continued. "Kyousuke said he'd send it."

"What a helpful boy."  _At least,_  Madoka added to herself,  _where Miss Miki here is concerned._

Once they got to class, Madoka took a peek at Hitomi. From behind, she looked normal. Ms. Saotome was at the board railing about utter bullshit, and then soon enough they started the lesson, with nothing out of the ordinary. Not yet. Madoka jotted notes, mostly listening. Nearby, Sayaka was getting distracted.

In passing period, Madoka homed in on a group of girls who'd mentioned a love letter. "Did you say Hitomi Shizuki?"

"Yes!"

"Aww!" Madoka sighed. "I'm so jealous!"

And then at lunch. "Ready?" Madoka said to Sayaka. They darted through the hallways. Up on the third floor there was a terrace of sorts, which had a lovely view but was hard to see from anywhere else. It was favored as a secret meeting place. Near to that secret meeting place was a girls' bathroom.

Madoka and Sayaka entered the bathroom and waited.

After a while, Sayaka got bored and quietly drifted toward the door. Madoka froze her with a look.

There was no sound, but if you listened closely... wasn't that three people breathing?

And then, finally, they heard a tiny choked sob from inside a stall.

_"Why Hitomi, fancy meeting you in here,"_  Madoka nearly sang. "Whatever are you doing here now? You'll be late to class. Sayaka and I just came in here to make out, but a popular girl like you should have no need for that kind of thing. Or is someone in there with you?" She banged open Hitomi's stall door. They caught a glimpse of the girl's red-rimmed, wet eyes before she turned away, pathetically trying to hide them.

"It was you," Hitomi gasped, and started crying again, her sobs breaking up her words. "It just, I should have known and, I just thought, for once, he actually, liked me, someone might, I, I..."

"You were stupid," said Sayaka gently. "So stupid."

Her wavy green hair was messy and less shiny than usual. She seemed like a scarecrow losing straw.

"When are you going to stop this?" Hitomi whimpered.

"We aren't," said Sayaka.

"No," said Hitomi quietly. "I suppose not."

* * *

 

After school, Madoka and Sayaka went to the music store.

"Here, listen to this," said Sayaka. "It sort of reminded me of something." She took headphones off one of the sample stands and pushed them onto Madoka's head and clicked the track. Then she drifted off to look at albums on the wall.

A little while into the song, a voice said,  _Save me!_

Confused, Madoka paused it. She heard  _Save me!_  again. In her head. And she got a sense, too, of where the voice was coming from.  _A voice in my head... that bears investigating,_  she thought. And she followed it through the back of the store, around a hallway, and past a rope that closed off an area under repairs.

_Save me!_

The room was large and dark, with pillars and scraps of equipment. There was a small white creature on the floor, like a cat, fur ruffled and bloodied in places.

Madoka stepped forward.

_Save me!_

And at the other end of the room, boots clicked on the ground. A figure moved into view. An extravagant dress and carefully curled blonde hair...

"Don't you dare help it," said the girl.

_Save me!_  said the creature.

"Um... What's going on here?" asked Madoka.

"Well, to be concise," the girl said, "this is an alien creature who'll offer you a deal that seems wonderful but inevitably ends in your premature death."

"Oh..." said Madoka, feeling slower than usual and thinking she must be missing something important. "In that case... we'd better... kill it?"

"Thanks for making this easy," said the other girl. She took a long white musket out of nowhere and stepped forward, leaning the barrel on the little cat thing.

_Save... me?_

Then she blew its head open.

"Okay, okay, wait," said Madoka. "Can we start over? Just... what was that?"

* * *

 

Madoka woke up and thought,  _if that was a dream, my subconscious is getting really creative._

Then she saw the beady red eyes right in front of her own.

"Gyah!" In a reflex action she punched the creature in the face and it flew and bounced against the far wall of her room, making a thump sound.

_Ouchies!_  said the voice in her head.

Madoka blinked, sat up, and tried to orient herself. "That was a reflex," she explained.

The creature just stared at her. She noticed that the gold discs around its ears(?) were hovering - not connected to anything. She felt like she should say something more.

"So... you're not dead. That's impressive. You're a winner, as my mom would say."

"Thanks," it said out loud, without moving its mouth. "My name is Kyubey."

"Ah. Short for Incubator?"

It fell silent.

"So, what? You want to offer me a contract?"

"Krie- uh, Madoka Kaname... if you could wish for anything at all, what would it be?"

"Can I wish for witches not to exist?"

The creature was still.

"Can I wish for more wishes?"

"You're not being very helpful here," said Kyubey.

"Yeah, well. It just so happens I'm not eager to magically bleed out and become a collage monster, but thank you for the offer."

"Are you sure? Maybe  _you_  could beat the system."

"That's what I'm doing," said Madoka. "What time is it?" The digital clock flashed 5:15. "Jesus Christ. Get out of here, you little shit. I'm going back to sleep."

* * *

 

She turned the faucet on,  _fwshhhhh._

"You came in late last night," said Junko. "Exciting evening of debauchery?"

"A little person offered me a long-term contract based on an initial large gain followed by indefinite periodic repayments."

"Sounds pretty sweet," said Junko, straight-faced.

"Please, mom. I know a scam when I see one."

"That's my girl."

Madoka got the red bow out of the drawer and started tying it in her hair.

"Hey Mom," she said. "If you could wish for anything, what would it be?"

"More wishes," said Junko immediately.

"Cheating."

"That's the point."

"What would you wish for next?"

"To be God," said Junko, clicking her makeup kit closed. "Too easy. Being able to wish for anything takes all the strategy out. It's a pointless question."

"Guess so," said Madoka.

"Anyway, I have to go strangle a coworker in application forms." Junko winked. "Not literally." And headed out.

* * *

 

Hitomi took the pills she had collected, then got into bed, over the covers. She folded her hands nicely over her chest, ready to die in a few hours.

The clock was ticking slowly.

A few hours was quite a while.

For a good while there was nothing in her mind, which was a very welcome break. Thoughts couldn't get started. There just wasn't a single thought she could have that wasn't, at this point, completely pointless.

The mental silence started to rust. She thought about glancing at the clock. Familiar feelings were stirring, and now she thought was going to start rehearsing it all again - her decision, how her pain and depression led up to it. It wasn't that complicated. But it was as though she kept having to make sure that logic still worked the same way. Or like she had to think those things over and over because there was nothing else to think.

She tried to empty her mind. That silence was nice. A memory bubbled to the surface and popped - it was something from long ago.  _Little Hitomi lies on her bed trying to sleep. She can't stop thinking of things, some things that are making her feel sick inside. She decides to list what she is grateful for..._

Dumb, thought Hitomi.

And then -

It was shocking. Like a little mind-bender puzzle, you work at it so long and then someone shows you the answer, it's so simple -  _but here, it was a happy memory, and she had forgotten happiness_.  _She had forgotten how much better things could be, how much better the human condition could feel - and there was a saying about depression, people said "it gets better" and it had always just washed over her, it didn't feel like it_  MEANT  _anything -_

She almost gasped, as that cloud-wisp, that moment long ago, slipped through her consciousness and she saw as an outsider sees _._

When they said it got better -

They meant even if you felt like  _this_  it got better.

That's what they were  _saying._

That's what they were trying to get into her  _stupid - dumb - head!_

In that case...

She oughtn't to kill herself?

Wow, she really was pathetic. Even now she wanted to change her mind? She started to tear up - yes, she started to tear up yet again. It felt like she'd done nothing but cry for years. And now she was doing it  _again_ and when she realized that, it all crashed over her in a wave and her heart seemed to  _erupt_  because she was SO angry SO ANGRY and it was burning so hot and she hated herself SO MUCH that she couldn't stop crying even NOW, and she hated what a GIANT IDIOT she was, what a fucking idiot she was to  _commit suicide_  -

_Are you crazy? Are you crazy? Haven't you seen the PSAs? Didn't you have that talk in homeroom one day? Didn't they tell you that EVEN THOUGH YOU FEEL HOPELESS there is hope? How could you let this happen!?_  and she started rocking back and forth on the bed and halfway clawing at her hair in some sort of fit, wanting so badly to get out of this body, this mind, which was so utterly awful and useless, which felt its own pain and somehow thought it was worse than anyone else's pain -  _"Sure, I would tell someone else not to kill themself, but me? No, surely I have the right!"_  She made that mistake and died for it! She was DEAD! And she was so angry she was going to explode, she was going to scream - but she didn't scream.

Because someone might hear her.

_WHAT THE HECK DOES IT MATTER?_  Hitomi screamed in her mind. But it did, because she saw a future. Suddenly her future existed again. She could believe she would wake up tomorrow - she could see herself being mocked by Madoka, going home in tears. Doing homework and going to practice, hiding her feelings.

_You actually committed suicide?_  Madoka said.  _You even succeeded? Holy shit, Hitomi. It's actually amazing how you can still find ways to disappoint me._

Hitomi started crying again, letting her arms flop down and the tears squirm across her face for the thousandth time. What did it matter? A mess of a girl who ripped her life up and threw it away. It was too late now.

* * *

 

Madoka rounded the corner in one of the long glass bridges of her school. An ice-creamy sunset refracted through the windows. It was late.

"Oh, there you are."

Sayaka waved from the other end of the hall. They walked toward each other.

"So what did you need to talk to me about?" said both of them.

"Death," said a low, eager voice.

Hitomi was suddenly there. She was standing slightly slumped, like a zombie or a lunatic. Her head was bowed, completely shadowing her eyes. Her hair was perfect and glossy. Madoka and Sayaka both broke into a sweat.

Then her head snapped up, and her eyes blazed with a pure, deep, eternal rage.

_That doesn't happen in real life,_  thought Madoka -

"Congratulations, Kaname, Miki," said the scary girl. "You did kill me." She flexed her hands and twin balls of fire burst into being. They boiled, hovering, and the orange light that now bounced across the walls, floor, and ceiling, surrounding them, was dizzying and off-putting. Madoka felt like she was in a blender. "Since you killed me," said Hitomi, "I have nothing left to lose. So now I'll kill you." She started to walk forward. She started to change - with every step, different shreds of her school uniform flickered and slid away and something else took its place. The strips of fabric bound her and flowed. Green like plants. Brown like dirt. Black like eclipse. She stopped before her two tormentors. "Ten second head start," she whispered.

Madoka instantly took off running, full-out, like a frightened bull. Sayaka ran after her. They careened through the hallways and through the belly of the schoolbuilding, taking turn after turn.  _She's seeking out the places where the hall forks, so we're harder to find,_  Sayaka realized.

Finally they banged through a door into a classroom - one with another exit at the far end - and Madoka slumped over against a desk, chest heaving and breath threadbare. Sweat was glistening all over her face. She turned and Sayaka realized with a shock that she didn't seem tired - no, she did, of course, but her face didn't show it. It was like she could ignore it.

Madoka was looking past Sayaka at someone she knew would be there.

"You seem to be in trouble," said Kyubey sweetly. "Do you suppose you need any help?"

"Oka _hhhhh-"_  Madoka tried to respond but her voice let her down. She bent over the desk again, panting. Then she turned back to Kyubey and began mouthing words.

_You have a convincing case, but I will need to know more about the deal._

Kyubey scampered toward her.

Sayaka didn't know what was going on. She glanced at the door nervously. They were a good bit over ten seconds. The cat creature was saying things she didn't understand.

"Thanks for the info," Madoka rasped. She got up.

"You're not gonna...?" Kyubey said, confused.

"Madoka, what's going on?" Sayaka blurted. "Why - why is there a witch attacking us, why is this thing here, why can it talk, what are we..."

"Sayaka, you need to do this: Go to the copy room, go on Facebook, and print twenty-five full page copies of my selfies."

Flabbergasted, Sayaka looked at Madoka. Madoka...  _looked_  at Sayaka.

Sayaka froze up. Staring into those eyes for just an instant, a thousand memories came to her of growing up with a girl like this. Of seeing this look -  _this_  look, that was boiling in the eyes in the sweat-covered face, and the things that would happen next -

"I'm on it," said Sayaka, and she ran to the door and out into the hallway, partly just in an attempt to get away, and dashed for the copy room -

"Now we buy her time," said Madoka. She hurried out of the room, went the other direction, and at the next fork she accidentally-on-purpose banged into a door and yelled "Shit!" and it echoed through the deserted school. She took off jogging.

A minute later, she heard the swish of fabric behind her.

"What have we here?" said Hitomi. "Little rat trying to escape?"

Click, click, click, Hitomi's high heels followed Madoka at a walk. Madoka sped up, but those heels kept a constant distance behind her.

"You can't run forever," the dead girl whispered.

Madoka turned corner after corner, pain blooming again in her soles and chest as the strain caught up with her. She ran methodically; as Hitomi took her time, so did she. She took a roundabout path, in a grand circle, then finally arrived at the copy room.

Madoka burst through the door, wanting desperately to lie down. Instead she said "tape, tape, where is -" then she found it, picked it up, and grabbed half the stack of papers Sayaka was holding. "Get a tape," she said, raising her gaze to Sayaka's bewildered eyes, "and put these on the walls as we go." She started stripping off tabs of tape and hanging them from her shirt. "Do this so you can use them while running." Sayaka followed suit. Once they both looked utterly ridiculous, Madoka taped some pictures of herself to the copy room walls, where they stared down in affected moe poses. "Perfect," she said, and then the door to the room exploded in flames.

Sayaka screamed and Madoka ducked the flying bits of wood. Smoke billowed out of the hole as Hitomi's grinning face loomed out of it. She was enjoying this so much.

"Come on!" yelled Madoka and they both dashed for the other entrance, closing it behind them just as another explosion reopened it. They ran down the hall and took the first corner available to get out of Hitomi's line of fire, then Madoka stopped and started frantically sticking tape to pages and posting them. "Yes, you do farther up!" she called to Sayaka, who obeyed without question. They started half-running down the hall again, still sticking up images every few feet.

"Madoka, she's gonna catch up!"

"You warn me if that happens."

Click, click, click, went those heels.

"Time's up," said Madoka, and she took off full speed again around the next corner, Sayaka struggling to adjust to the rapid changes.

"What the hell is this?!" yelled Hitomi from behind them.

"NYA NYA!" yelled Madoka.

And them -  _foom._  The sound of a Madoka poster going up in flames.  _"Yes,"_  Madoka hissed, and then she grabbed more bits of tape and started to adorn this hall with her face as well.  _Foom, foom,_  came the sound of Hitomi's fury. They finished this hallway and ran to the next one, just in time for Hitomi's clicking heels to round the corner. Hitomi screamed after them. "MADOKA, I'M GOING TO OBLITERATE YOU FROM EXISTENCE! EVERY ONE OF YOU, WALL, FLOOR AND CEILING!" And then,  _foom, foom, foom._  She screamed again, this time wordless.

_"Why?"_  hissed Sayaka, utterly bewildered.

"To make her use as many fireballs as possible," said Madoka, pressing another paper face against the glass.

_Foom, foom, foom._  They ran on.

Another hallway, and another. Then after the 5th hallway, maybe the 20th burned Madoka face, they heard Hitomi scream not with anger but with the darkest anguish. The clicking of the heels had stopped. Sayaka turned to Madoka expecting triumph, but she got something much worse. Madoka looked trepidatious. Maybe even afraid.

"Run faster than ever now," Madoka Kaname said, and they did.

* * *

 

The establishment was deserted, filled with empty chairs. At the place where the ceiling dropped lower over the bar, a grand painting stretched across the high half-wall, depicting a swirling black form with a malevolent half-formed face.

Just two were sitting at the bar proper, sipping drinks and feeling the artificial, wooden calm that follows a tragedy.

"It really does hurt, losing one of my students this way," said Ms. Saotome.

"I just don't know how it could've happened," said Junko. "I never would have imagined Hitomi wasn't safe there."

Saotome looked away, her breath catching.

"I guess I have to reevaluate how I think of school," Junko murmured.

"We won't let this happen again," Ms. Saotome said fiercely. "We're having meetings. And the problem will be addressed, even if - if we have to make some large changes."

"Of what sort?"

Saotome was silent. Stirring her drink.

"I just hope it's addressed soon," said Junko. "I'm sure we'll all be happier with this taken care of." She could feel how tense Saotome was getting. One more notch. "But this must be so much harder for you than me. How are you taking it, my dear?"

Deeper silence. Choked silence. Ms. Saotome was trying not to cry. Junko continued to stare at her, awaiting a response, maintaining the cooking fire.

And she held it.

And she held it.

Then Junko gave a little smile, dimming the blaze. And she said sweetly, "Tell me honestly, dear."

"I'm so afraid," Saotome whispered. "I'm so nervous all the time. It's not just this, it's - this is the final confirmation that I can't do even the basics of my job, keeping students safe."

"What? Who says you're a failure?" said Junko.

"Everyone!" gasped Saotome. "Everyone knew it, they already did, whispering it and - I know I go off track sometimes, and I get a little worked up, but I never admitted I was a, a fraud, and all, those other things they say, even though it's not  _true,_  but they may as well call me every name they can because I'm the  _useless_  little... t-teacher... who let Hitomi kill herself!"

Her martini glass slipped over and the glass surface clashed on the counter, pouring watery pink across the surface and down the far side. Kazuko Saotome's hand was frozen where she had bumped it, and they both just watched the spill, neither getting up.

"People say things about you?" said Junko quietly.

"Well... y-yes. You'd have to be around the school to know."

"I actually had a suspicion. Because... well, I hate to say it, Kazuko, but I think my daughter may have been complicit in some of those rumors. I've talked to her about it," (which was technically true,) "but... well, I don't know if she really listens anymore."

Ms. Saotome started to pull herself back together. This question was one she could answer.

"It's hard with kids that age," she said turning to her friend with a sad smile. "You turn around one day, and suddenly they're all grown up. It must be a pretty big shock to a parent."

Junko returned the smile. She leaned in, almost conspiratorially. "Kazuko... if this job does fall through, and you need any help, I'll put in every good word for you at my agency and we can find you something else. There's always something else. And I know you won't let something like this happen ever again."

Saotome let out a breath. "Thank you, Junko," she said. "Maybe I will sign up with you guys. Maybe so."

She felt like the martini that was sliding out of the glass in front of her.

"Oh!" gasped Junko, "and, speaking of a shock to a parent. Have you heard that I have a new daughter?"

"Oh!" Saotome looked startled. "You, you're -" Junko could see, behind Saotome's eyes, a desperate search for who she could possibly be pregnant  _by -_

"No, not that," Junko mercifully interrupted, eyes twinkling. "I mean that my 'son', Tatsuya, decided she's transgender."

* * *

 

Sayaka said: "Why did you kill her?"

"Why?" Madoka repeated, like it was a strange question to be asking.

Sayaka said: "Why did we kill her? What purpose did it serve?"

"Well, obviously we hated her."

The light fountain glittered across the two of them, illuminating one face and then the other. Then its rotation continued and the girls were again under shadow.

"Why?" asked Sayaka.

"Because... she was an obnoxious bitch," said Madoka.

"That's just the rumor we spread about her."

"Because she had no friends," said Madoka.

"We caused that."

"Then because she  _didn't_  have no friends! She was popular!" said Madoka.

"So we killed her??"

"What is this, Sayaka?"

"No, we can't turn this on me!" said Sayaka. "I need to know! Just give me an answer!"

"I have."

"Why does that mean we have to kill her?"

Madoka seemed very uncomfortable. "She was popular trash," Madoka snapped. "She had all the boys. She had confidence. She needed taking down a peg. Girls who know they're pretty are winners. But she's a loser. We had to beat her. We won!"

"Madoka!" said Sayaka, distressed. "Listen to this! You're saying these things, in a list, as if they form some chain of logic, but they don't! They're just  _things!_  I need a reason!"

"Maybe there is no reason! Not whatever kind you'll accept!"

Sayaka gave a curt little nod. "Then I want out."

"What?"

The light fountain sprayed across them again. Instinctively, they paused to let it pass.

"Of your circle. Of this friendship, however much it resembles one. I'm scared of it. I'm really scared. So I just want to know first: if I try to leave, will you kill me?"

She made herself look Madoka in the eye. Madoka's eyes were dull and still. Madoka wasn't breathing.

A shock of fear grabbed Sayaka around her stomach.  _It's too late already,_  she thought.  _She's going to kill me now._  She couldn't bring herself to move.

"Sayaka," said Madoka gently, back to normal. She stepped closer. They could feel each other's heat radiating out. "Give me your hand."

Sayaka wordlessly brought her hand to Madoka's. Small, white fingers, discolored by the cold, interlaced. The touch chilled her. Madoka looked her straight in the eyes, found Sayaka's middle finger, and slowly began to bend it backwards.

It was only an instant before it started to hurt. The pain was at the very base, palm-side. That muscle or tendon would be the first thing to break, and Sayaka was too scared to give the slightest resistance. She could only stare into Madoka's eyes, which were even, and flat, and unwavering. The only thing in Sayaka's body that seemed to be moving was her hyper-accelerated heart and her finger that was bending ever so slowly. The pain grew, second by second, straining - Further, she pushed. It seemed the bone was about to snap - It crack-crack-cracked apart a thousand times in Sayaka's imagination and she was sure in an instant it would happen for real, but it didn't, and didn't, it just hurt, and then she bent it  _further._  Sayaka started to cry silently. All she wanted was to get out of this. And  _further._  It didn't bend this far! It couldn't! It was about to br-  _Further!_  Tears gushed harder. it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt -  _she just wanted out of this, out of this,_  her chest hurt so much like it was being squeezed,  _come on, break the bone,_  she thought,  _and end it,_  and Madoka pushed  _further, "Anh!"_  Sayaka gasped involuntarily, like a last pocket of air finally bubbling up. Tears were soaking down her cheeks, while Madoka's were dry and motionless. And then suddenly Madoka's eyes fogged, crossed for an instant -

(And something in Madoka's head was screaming  _WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?)_

\- and Madoka let go. Sayaka snatched her hand back and curled her middle finger back up, protecting it in a fist.

"You can go," said Madoka, just as the light fountain lit up her face. And then she herself turned and stalked away into the shadows.

* * *

 

Kyubey padded toward Madoka Kaname's window and hopped onto the frame, but she wasn't home.

It looked around for a moment at the empty chairs and the stuffed animals, and felt the equivalent of a chill.

Kyubey thought about leaving this place and never coming back. Its kind had no fear, but in place of that there was definitely a sense of what would and wouldn't be a dangerous plan. It might not  _want_  this contract. And Kyubey had read something once: how a wizard had tried to turn a little boy into a pig, but it mostly hadn't worked, because...

* * *

 

Madoka Kaname, an eighth grader who lives such a peaceful life, she laughs and cries from time to time, mostly laughs, mostly laughs a lot, others are crying, such a peaceful live, such a peaceful pointless life, Madoka Kaname, she has no one - she has a best friend - she has no one - she laughs from time to time, she laughs and - she laughs and -  _others_  are crying, Madoka laughs, because she is a winner, she - she - she - from time to time, she lives such a peaceful life! Such a successful life! Such a powerful life! Winning at life! She removes her hair ribbon from time to time, and winds it around her fist, as if she is protecting her knuckles for a fight - winds it tighter and tighter, making it bite into her clenched white fist, pulling on the strip so that the pain distracts from her flooding thoughts.

She's sitting alone on the steps to an empty house, and the street around her is very dark, and her mind keeps track of the knife in her pocket.

She's thinking of Sayaka walking home, away from her. Her best friend wants to get away from her, and this is awful, therefore it's to be fixed, and all her brain can offer is  _kill her? hurt her? kill her? hurt her?_   _Convince her to do something dangerous - I'll have to work through proxies, use Sayaka's other friends._  But th-  _Poison her. Make her weak for a few days, then menace her again in that state._  Wait, but- _Convince her to make a contract with Kyubey. Kyubey would do most of the work for me._  BUT THOSE THINGS WON'T HELP! NONE OF THOSE WILL MAKE HER BE YOUR FRIEND!

SHE HAS NEVER BEEN YOUR FRIEND!

YOU HAVE BULLIED HER INTO OBEYING YOU!

NO, SHE  _WAS_  YOUR FRIEND, BUT  _YOU_  WERE NEVER  _HERS!_

Hitomi had been popular, and Madoka had been jealous, so Madoka had torn Hitomi apart.

But this was a different problem and she didn't know how to win. She had no idea how to win.

_She didn't ask to be like this._

* * *

 

When Madoka finally went home she found a note on the table, saying that Junko had gone to the pharmacy and that "your sister Tatsuya" was at her new karate class. Her head had been spinning at the thought of meeting her mother while knowing she'd lost, and whether she would tell her she had, and whether Junko would know on her own. She sat at the table for a moment, disoriented and staring at the note, then remembered she was hungry (which was why she'd come home) and went to the fridge. She thought about having a little sister and what would be different. A moment later her lower back hurt, because she had stumbled back into the stone table in horror, because she had realized what Junko was doing.

Madoka had read the rules and thought,  _A strange game. The only way to win is not to play._

But her mother had seen something else. A better victory condition.

* * *

 

The answer to her new problem was as simple as breathing. But the devil was in the details. Biking to the pharmacy to catch up with her mother, her mind went over all her disadvantages: Well, for one, the fact that she was her  _mother._  Her age/experience. Her money. Her legal custody. etcetera.

So she might have to consider something she'd always quickly dismissed. But refreshingly, she found this wasn't hard. Saving her brother had gone and superseded every other directive in her mind.  _Is this love?_  She didn't think Junko could feel this way.

At the pharmacy, she found Junko amongst the shelves. She walked up next to her and Junko smiled in a surprised way.

Madoka said: "You mustn't do this to Tatsuya."

"Karate lessons? Aren't you glad y-"

"No! The girl thing."

"'The girl thing?' Why, it was her choice," said Junko, bending to read the labels. "Or not even hers, I should say - gender isn't a choice."

"This has nothing to do with his or her gender, mom."

"Or 'their'."

"You want a personal magical girl, so you can make use of the magic without getting the drawbacks yourself."

Junko chose a box of something irrelevant and added it to her cart. "Indeed," she said. "I've been negotiating with Mr. Kyubey. He doesn't usually show himself to adults, but he knows a smart business decision when he sees one." She was starting toward the counter, with Madoka following.

"But you can't do this to Tatsuya."

"Can't?"

"Mustn't! I mean mustn't! Don't do the grammar thing, mom!"

Junko smiled at the cashier and put her items on the counter, then turned back to Madoka. "But whatever else are children for?"

And some minutes later they were exiting the pharmacy into the dark of night.

"Mom," said Madoka, "I'm serious about this."

"So we've finally become enemies over something," said Junko. "How fun! Are you ready to feel your first loss?"

Madoka stopped walking. In the short time when Junko was still walking and facing away from her, Madoka whispered Kyubey's name, and it appeared.  _She can't see you, can she?_  Madoka subvocalized.

_Not unless I let her,_  it replied, gleefully.  _So... what is your wish, Madoka Kaname?_

"Well, Madoka?" said Junko, turning to face her daughter. "What's your first move?"

Gritting her teeth, with a look of pure malice, Madoka stepped forward and grabbed Kyubey by the ear.

_Um..._  it said in her mind.

She slowly lifted it up, raising her other fist to match.

_Except -_  Kyubey realized -  _to someone who couldn't see me, it might look like she just clenched her fists, and raised them threateningly..._

"Madoka, dear," Junko said condescendingly, "I thought you were cleverer than that. Don't you even have a weap-" and then Madoka swung the Incubator as hard as she could and  _schlick,_  one of its hard metal earrings jammed in her mother's head. Junko's expression instantly froze, then she crumpled onto the ground.

Madoka dropped Kyubey and the creature teleported a little distance away, removing itself from the wound, and Junko's blood flowed over the sidewalk.

Madoka knelt on the floor by the body and screamed, loud and high and long. The pharmacist rushed out. Doors began to open nearby, people emerging to see.

"A - A strange man -" Madoka sobbed, "attacked my mom - with a weird knife - he tried to take her wallet, but, when he saw me, he ran away -"


	2. What The Fuck Just Happened?

It has come to my attention that this story is not as clear as I want it to be.  
I left a lot of things to implication, because I wanted to let the reader feel very clever by inferring things quickly like Madoka does. But please know I'm not calling you stupid when I admit I simply didn't leave enough clues.  
Well, if you were confused but you still enjoyed it enough to read all the way through, here's what happened.

The italics bit is meant to sound like Sayaka in canon when she goes sihouette, but in fact it refers to Madoka. Metaphorically.

The first scene establishes that Madoka and Junko are completely different from canon. I followed the canon dialogue but changed it in deliberate ways. I hope you found that very cool.  
I think my original idea for this story was to make a Madoka who was scarier than witches. One of the ways I tried to do that was to make her take some pleasure in causing pain, and to a greater extent just not give a shit about others. The other way was to make her very smart. She and Junko see the world as more malleable than most people, which is why she can talk casually about killing a classmate.

Next I wreck another of the canon scenes and have them use some awful slurs. Apparently Madoka and her lackey Sayaka are spreading rumors about their teacher. The incident with Rei the OC is meant to show again that Madoka is mean and smart: she reacts viciously to a minor accident, and instantly comes up with a way to hurt emotionally without even insulting the girl directly.  
The subtext of this whole sequence is that Madoka had Sayaka ask Kyousuke to fake-ask Hitomi out. Hitomi went to the secret meeting place and he stood her up, and Hitomi went to the bathroom to cry. Madoka and Sayaka went to make fun of her for it because they've been bullying her intensively for a long time. Another little divergence from PMMM canon.

Mami replaced Homura here just for the sake of mixing around everyone's characters. And she does her job a lot better, if I do say so myself.

Offscreen, Mami gave Madoka the low-down on magical girls, so she's prepared to decline.  
This scene is also the second mention of Junko's "winning" philosophy. She is a genuine psychopath, and sees everything in life as a fight or a game to get what she wants by any means. (Incidentally, I don't mean to demonize all psychopaths who actually exist.) Madoka isn't a psychopath, she was just raised this way.  
Kyubey almost calls her "Kriemhild Gretchen" here, the name of Madoka's witch, because the half-real subtext of this whole story is that we are inside the canon, nice Madoka's labyrinth and she's living out her worst fear: being a monster and hurting everyone.

Next scene is pretty clear. But I think this is the point where Madoka unwittingly lets Junko know about magical girls.

Madoka's and Sayaka's bullying and rumors and turning everyone else against her is the main reason Hitomi is depressed and suicidal.  
In this way, Madoka has made good on her promise to kill her. Which was Madoka's explicit intent. One way that I tried to make Madoka scary is that she will state something absurdly evil and absurdly audacious, then bring it to bear in a way that seems shockingly easy, using only the resources of a normal schoolgirl. She makes full use of the freedom of not caring about others.

In between this abrupt transition, Kyubey appeared to a girl who very obviously needed a wish, and made her a contract. Hitomi considers herself "dead" in a stylistic sort of way, since technically she was saved from death. Or, depending how you see it, all magical girls are dead.  
The first thing Hitomi did was to forge notes from Madoka and Sayaka to each other, to have them meet in the empty school, so she could kill them.  
I gave her fire powers on the very shaky grounds that the same chemical reaction exists in both fire and breathing, so fire is connected to a wish for life.  
Madoka lets Kyubey think she's going to make a contract, but really she just needs information. She badgers him until he reveals that a magical girl will turn into a witch if she uses too much magic. With that, Madoka forms her plan to kill Hitomi a second time.

We're back to referencing specific scenes from canon. Remember this one?  
To the adults, it seems Hitomi killed herself; maybe she never got rid of her note after Kyubey saved her. Junko uses this to further her own plans.  
Apparently, Madoka's campaign to get her teacher fired was all a favor to her mom in service of this: Junko is playing the supportive friend to get Saotome to make a contract with her company.  
It's all about money. And winning.

Ambiguously later. What goes on in Madoka's mind is intentionally ambiguous. But the idea here was that she employed a minor form of torture as an instinctive reaction to being displeased, but suddenly realized that hurting Sayaka was the opposite of solving the problem.

"how a wizard had tried to turn a little boy into a pig, but it mostly hadn't worked, because..."  
...he was too much like a pig already.  
This is in reference to Hagrid and Dudley in the first Harry Potter, and how this Madoka is too much like a witch.

Madoka's fucked-up upbringing starts to break down. She starts to realize she isn't really like her mother and she doesn't really like acting like this.  
There are two ways that I show Madoka being different from Junko: she wants Sayaka to genuinely like her, and she cares what happens to her brother.

Madoka has "lost" at something for the first time, after being taught to always push harder and harder until she gets what she wants.

She starts to figure out how to defeat her mom, because it turns out she cares about Tatsuya and won't accept Junko's plan. Especially because, at a certain level, she now wants to save Tatsuya from having the same childhood as her. Given all Junko's advantages, the surest plan Madoka can come up with is to physically murder her before she can prepare for a real fight. Despite starting to break away from Junko's influence, she's still very much a product of her fucked-up conditioning.

One way I tried to show that Madoka was much more powerful than she was in canon was that she scoffs at the magical girl system that the canon girls found so inescapable, and she plays Kyubey like a fiddle at every turn.  
Kyubey hasn't learned his lesson and holds out hope that she intends to beat this impossible situation by making a contract. But she uses him in a much more simple and creative way. Madoka's final lines are, of course, acting - to make sure she isn't blamed.  
I wasn't prepared to write Madoka's full arc of learning to empathize and care, so I ended with the very beginning of her rebellion.


End file.
